It takes a special breed of mutant to work in the production department, at this or any other newspaper. These are the folks who create the ads that make the money that pay the salaries.

Their world is one of intense deadlines, long hours, low pay and high stress. A production person must realize the vision of the client and the salesperson and meet a certain level of stylistic quality that customers have come to expect. Being creative on one's own is dangerous as taste can vary wildly from client to client, salesperson to salesperson. Besides, a production mutant is expected to create perfect print ads in less than 30 seconds.

Oh, yes, it helps to be a mind reader, handwriting analyst, computer programmer and repair person, phone jockey and loud, grating music enthusiast.

After putting in my years in the production room I soon realized that I was made of impenetrable iron, literally coated in Teflon scales that had accumulated in that pressure-cooker..

I now have a steely resolve when I take on projects. I can do ten things at once. (None of them very well, but when you work at a daily paper you learn to not care as much. There is no time for caring.) I can be confronted with the most abrasive personality, and where I used to feel persecuted and defensive, I now only feel a distant pity for the poor fool who has worked him or herself into a froth over tomorrow's bird cage liner.

Mistakes happen in the production department. I remember catching a boo-boo before it went into the paper. The ad was for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but the poor, overworked production mutant had hastily typed "Breast Awareness Month". Freudian in nature? Yes. Understandable from a mesmerized drone? Certainly.

Then there were the ones that got by. The classified ad that advertised a "Whirlpoop" washer for sale was one of my favorites. Other less amusing ones have slipped past, but the enterprising salesperson always has the faceless production mutant to use as the fall guy. But if the production mutant sticks with it, these attacks will soon feel like nothing more than a fly on ones arm, just slightly annoying, but not enough to even want to brush it off. It will go away eventually.

Everyone that works at a daily newspaper reads the help wanted section every day, thinking "there must be more". That's where I noticed that The Aspen Daily News has openings for production mutants. I felt it my duty to provide a more thorough job description to any of you poor suckers looking for a new, slower, more painful way to accumulate meager funds. so if you want to be all you can be, call Tony at 925-2220.

The newsroom at a daily newspaper is only slightly less stressful than watching a lobotomized skateboarder walk into a fireworks store with a lit cigarette and a vacant look (from inside the store).

All the same deadlines are there, but a reporter is on the line to be impartial, accurate, succinct, sensitive, in-touch and in a hurry. Many of the reporters at the daily news also show signs of being mind-readers, selfless slaves and devoted to their craft almost to a fault.

As long as humans prepare the news, there will be errors. A typical story starts on a notepad, goes to a computer, is then submitted to an editor, returned to the reporter, and back once more to the editor. The editor then moves the story to a folder where the page designer will "flow" the story into a computer "dummy" layout. The night editor/designer will write the headlines, pull quotes out of the story and flow the "jumps" that run the story to another page.

Even the best story stands the chance of being ruined by the designer or even the printer. There are so many people with hands on the product that it is a miracle that it is as accurate and well done as it is.

Mistakes, of course are something that we grizzled veterans of the newsroom try very hard to avoid, but realize it's part of sticking our necks out and saying something.

Aspen Times columnist Hal Clifford wrote a letter to the editor last week blasting our publication for a typo in a caption on the front page. He called our reporters, young and inexperienced and pretty much said that our daily efforts aren't worth a shit. This is not the first time we have heard such criticism from this standard-bearer for journalistic excellence.

After a particularly glaring error where we ran a false story, it got back to the newsroom that the great one felt we should "all be fired." Cool. I guess putting families on the streets is a good way to ensure that the newspaper will always be of community service.

The news crew we have at this paper now is young and relatively new to town. They are outgunned, underpaid and overworked. But they are proud, professional and worth every red cent they can squeeze from this place. And they are genuinely interested in, curious about and committed to doing a good job for Aspen and the valley.

Sorry that we're not good enough for you Hal. Some folks like us well enough, and we're going to keep at it as best we can. In the meantime, if you don't like it, don't read it. If you do read it, being the grizzled news veteran that you are, I'm sure the lavish praise will be forthcoming from your golden pen.